Baby in the Bough: Chain of Custody

Brennan is not a baby person.

Children? Provided they have reached an age at which their cognitive processes have developed to the extent that they are receptive to at least basic reason, Brennan is comfortable enough with children. Teenagers seem to be the age group with which she has the best rapport.

But preverbal infants? She has no experience at all with this age group. And regardless of popular public opinion, her gender does not automatically make her an expert.

Still, part of being a successful member of your species is the ability to adapt to situations. In this case the situation involves a Caucasian male, approximately six months old, identity currently unknown, found in the vicinity of an incinerated body (female in her early 20s, most likely the mother) who has swallowed what may very well be a key (quite literally) piece of evidence.

Brennan is still unsure how he managed to swallow the key in the amount of time she looked away from him. But the key’s location has been confirmed by both metal detector and x-ray.

And until it makes a reappearance, the baby is in her legal custody.

According to gossip she has overheard, there are employees of both the Jeffersonian and the FBI who are willing to pay for the amusement factor of observing her in the role of caretaker.

Brennan fails to see the humor.

Baby in the Bough: A Matter of Bears

“Dr. Brennan? Dr. Brennan, I’m back.”

Brennan looks up from attempting to feed her charge (the baby seems more interested in trying to grab and pry her fingers off the bottle than in eating, but according to her calculations it’s time for him to be getting hungry again). One of the Jeffersonian’s interns (Brennan is pretty sure his name is Jason) is standing in the doorway of her office, loaded down with bags from Babies-R-Us.

Babies require a great deal of gear. Brennan had sent Jason off with a credit card and a list fully three pages long. She’s rather impressed that he’s managed to complete the errand in such a timely manner.

“Thank you, Jason,” she replies, sitting back and leaving off trying to get the baby to take the bottle for the moment (especially since he is now arching his back and head against the back of his infant seat, trying to see the source of the new voice). “You can set the bags over on the sofa.”

Jason does as she asks, and (for no logical reason that Brennan can see, since she had given him the list and therefore knows approximately what he has purchased) begins to give her a summary of what he bought. He seems quite enthusiastic about the process in point of fact.

Either Jason is ridiculously eager to please a superior or his metaphorical biological clock is ticking.

“I found everything you asked for, Dr. Brennan. Diapers, wipes, some extra bottles, formula, burp cloths, some blankets. A baby monitor with extra batteries. Some of these plastic rings—my sister’s baby loves these things.” Jason holds up a colorful, interlocking toy. “And clothes in the sizes you specified.” He pulls out a stack of clothes in yellows, beiges, and tans. “I did an undergraduate study in cultural anthropology on gender stereotyping from infancy onward in Western society and the movement among a minority of parents to choose gender neutral clothing and toys for their children. So, I found these and thought they’d be appropriate.”

He unfolds a few of the items. Which are indeed very gender neutral.

And liberally decorated with teddy bears.

Brennan feels herself blanch slightly.

This may very well be her first ‘fucking Milliways’ moment. If Brennan were aware that such a tradition existed.

The intern’s wide smile falters. “Dr. Brennan? If….if you don’t like these, I’m sure the store would be willing to exchange--”

“No,” Brennan replies hastily. “No, they’re fine.” Jason doesn’t look quite convinced, and Brennan sighs inwardly, trying to think of what Angela or Booth would say to reassure him of the validity of his choices. “I appreciate the amount of thought you put into picking them. Thank you.”

The intern goes on his way, happy with the praise. Brennan shakes her head and picks a sleeper from the pile (yellow with a bear on the chest and bear-paw patterned feet).

“Just so you know,” Brennan says to the baby as she unsnaps his old sleeper, “teddy bears are a very popular motif and toy for young children. But should you ever find yourself in a pocket universe outside of this dimension, they should not be trusted. I know this from experience.”

The baby laughs and kicks his legs.

“You laugh, but I’m quite serious. If you ever meet an animate, talking teddy bear, do not let it hug you. Run away from it.”

Which, Brennan reflects, is probably good advice whether Milliways is involved or not.