Post-Wannabe In The Weeds

[dr_temperance]

Brennan finds herself preoccupied with numbers.

Sometimes it’s just easier to think in terms of numbers.

In the year 2007 the number of law enforcement officers feloniously killed in the line of duty was 57. The 57 deaths occurred in 51 separate incidents across 25 different states. Among the officers killed, the average age was 37. The officers had served in law enforcement for an average of 10 years. Of the 57 officers, all 57 were male; 47 were white.

It seems wrong that Booth should be boiled down to a statistic.

Brennan knows that some might argue the accuracy of the statement that Booth had been killed in the line of duty. Technically he had been off-duty. Having a fun night out with his friends.

If stepping in front of a bullet to keep it from hitting your partner doesn’t constitute ‘in the line of duty’ Brennan doesn’t know what does.

4:08 AM was the time at which the surgeon had come out to tell the room full of waiting Squints that Booth had been pronounced dead at 3:56.

There were 6 people that Brennan could think of off-hand who were not present at the hospital and would need to be informed of the news. The first 5—Booth’s mother and father, his brother, and his son and Rebecca--she knew that Booth’s superiors would take responsibility for contacting.

That left the 6th. And though she knew the number without even having to open her cell phone directory, Brennan didn’t dial it. At 4:31 AM she left the hospital and drove the 23 minutes to Hannah’s dorm at GW (the odd hour made for light traffic and allowed her to maintain an average speed of 52 miles per hour).

The night guard at Hannah’s dorm had taken one look at Brennan and immediately admitted her when she said she was there regarding a personal emergency. She didn’t know what he had seen that made him move so quickly, but she was, in a detached fashion, grateful for his efficiency. She rides the silent elevator up to the 3rd floor, walks the 17 paces to the door of 14C and knocks 3 times on the door.

And then 3 times again.

Comments

[argyle_princess]

It's not the knocking that wakes Hannah up.

It's Hilary's "Who the hell is knocking on the door at this hour?"

"Maybe they'll go away," Hannah says, blearily. "It's got to be the wrong room, right?"

Some drunk fratboy looking for his girlfriend or trying to find his lost dorm room or something.

But when whoever it is knocks a third time, and then a fourth, and Hilary's only response is to groan and pull the blankets over her head, Hannah reluctantly goes to answer it.

She's not in anything that could remotely be called a good mood when she opens the door about two inches.

"Do you have any idea what time--Brennan?"

[dr_temperance]

"Hannah."

There's little in Brennan's expression to acknowledge that she's standing on Hannah's doorstep at an odd an inappropriate time.

There's little in Brennan's expression at all, really.

"I need to talk you you."

Need. Not want. She doesn't want to tell Hannah this. But she needs to. Before she hears it some other way.

[argyle_princess]

"Um," says Hannah.

"I . . ."

She blinks. Whatever Brennan's here to talk about, Hannah's guessing it falls solidly into the realm of Not Good.

One is not supposed to have to deal with Not Good at 5:00 in the morning, barefoot and in pajamas.

But then, in Hannah's experience, Not Good isn't especially considerate of people's schedules.

She takes her keys off the hook by the door. "Hilary's asleep, but the common room is probably empty."

[dr_temperance]

"Yes. It is very early, isn't it? College students tend to sleep much later."

Any minute now she'll start showing signs of life.

"I believe that's wise. The common room."

[argyle_princess]

"Much later, yes."

Hannah waits until they've gotten to the common room, and then she says.

"Okay, Brennan? You're seriously starting to freak me out? What's wrong?"

[dr_temperance]

Brennan takes a deep breath. It's the most sign of emotion she's shown since she's arrived.

"There's been an accident..."

She trails off and shakes her head.

"No. That's inaccurate. There's been an incident."

Brennan looks Hannah directly in the eyes. Hannah is one of them. She's earned that.

"Booth was shot earlier tonight. He died. Approximately an hour ago."

[argyle_princess]

One of these days, Hannah will get bad news from someone who subscribes to the ease into it school of thought.

But not, apparently, today.

She can't even process it.

"What?"

[dr_temperance]

"Maybe we should sit. I probably should have started with that," Brennan says.

Her thought processes seem to have become oddly disjointed in some areas.

[argyle_princess]

Hannah doesn't make any move to sit.

Hannah doesn't make any move at all.

"I . . . what? No. How--what?"

[dr_temperance]

"Booth is dead."

For just a second, Brennan's face seems to crack.

And then it's pulled back into the blank mask.

"Most likely due to internal bleeding from the trauma, though I did not have the opportunity to ask the surgeon for details."

She has nothing to offer but sparse and vague facts. She's sorry for that.

[argyle_princess]

"Brennan, somebody shot Agent Booth?"

[dr_temperance]

"A suspect in a murder we were investigating."

"She was going to shoot me, and he--"

Brennan breaks off.

She really does feel like she's about to be sick.

[argyle_princess]

Right, okay.

Whatever Hannah's going through -- or going to be going through, because she's pretty sure this hasn't really hit yet and it's going to be a world of Not Good when it does -- it's got to be much, much worse for Brennan.

Hannah takes a deep breath.

"I think you should sit down," she says.

"And, um, I'll . . . why don't I get you some water or something?"

[dr_temperance]

"Water would be good."

Brennan sinks down onto the plaid common room sofa.

This is wrong. This is reversed. Brennan is older. She's supposed to be the one supporting Hannah right now. Not the other way around.

She rests her elbows on her knees and leans forward. Not full on 'put your head between your knees,' but it helps enough that she's probably not going to fall completely apart.

[argyle_princess]

Hannah steps into the hallway, and stands with her back against the wall for a moment, trying to breathe.

Time to get it together. She can fall apart later.

Right. Water.

"Here," she says, holding the plastic GW cup she got at orientation out to Brennan. And waiting to make sure Brennan has a good grip on it before she lets it go. And trying not to think too much about the blood at the ends of Brennan's sleeves.

[dr_temperance]

"Thank you."

Brennan takes a sip, and thankfully it doesn't seem to have and adverse effect on her gag reflex.

She looks up at Hannah.

"I apologize. I'm....I find I am not handling this well."

[argyle_princess]

Hannah sits down next to Brennan.

"I think I'd be a lot more worried about you if you were handling it well."

Hannah has every intention of handling it not well herself, later.

"I mean, it's . . . Agent Booth."

[dr_temperance]

"Yeah."

Brennan stares into her glass.

"It's Booth."

And therein lies all the wrongness.

Brennan finally shakes herself and looks over at Hannah.

"Are you all right? I'm sorry. I know coming here like this.... I just didn't want you to hear on the news this morning. And a phone call seemed inadequate."

[argyle_princess]

"No. I'm not even close to all right, Brennan."

How the hell could she be?

"But, um, I'm . . . well, not glad, but I . . . thank you. For coming. Because . . . yeah."

[dr_temperance]

Brennan sets aside her water and wraps one arm tight around Hannah.

She's hoping it will help. Both of them.

"I'm sorry."

She's not entirely sure for what. She just knows that she's sorry.

[argyle_princess]

Hannah nods.

"Me, too."

This is the point where there are either a thousand things to say or nothing to say . . . and Hannah has no idea which.

[dr_temperance]

Brennan nods back.

There's silence for a long moment.

"I should..."

Brennan stops, looking confused.

She's not sure what she should do. The FBI has the practical aspects of the matter in hand. The other Squints are all together. There are arrangements, but they are not Brennan's to make. It would not be appropriate for her to impose on his family right now.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Ordinarily she'd ask Booth. He generally knows what to do at times like this. But that is not an option.

Never will be an option again.

[argyle_princess]

"I don't . . . I don't really know that there is a 'supposed to' here."

Because Agent Booth is not supposed to be dead.

"Um. Have you been up all night?"

[dr_temperance]

Brennan actually has to think about that for a moment.

"Yes," she says. "Yes. We had all gone out for the evening. To sing karaoke. That's where the shooting occurred. And we went straight from there to the hospital."

It doesn't quite seem possible that only twelve hours ago, everything was all right.

[argyle_princess]

Any other day, and Hannah would ask about the karaoke.

"And, Angela and Dr. Hodgins and everybody--they know about . . . about what happened?"

[dr_temperance]

"They were all there. Angela and Hodgins. Zach. Cam."

"I think..." Brennan frowns. "I left them at the hospital. I don't know if they're still there or not."

"But yes. They know."

[argyle_princess]

The FBI will notify the family--probably already has.

"So, there's nothing else you really have to do right away?"

[dr_temperance]

Brennan slowly shakes her head.

"No. No, I don't think so."

In fairness, she knows that her mental processes are probably being hampered by shock.

She finds that she doesn't care.

[argyle_princess]

"Okay," says Hannah, slowly and calmly.

(It's the slowly and calmly that means any kind of haste or emotion is going to lead to an utter meltdown, but for the moment, it's still slowly and calmly.)

"I think maybe you should lie down for a bit.

"And, um, maybe get cleaned up a little. Change your shirt.

"I, um, probably have something that would work. For you."

[dr_temperance]

"I think you are correct in that rest may be beneficial."

She is confused by the second part of the offer. Until she follows Hannah's gaze to the blood on the cuffs of her sleeves.

Of course. She had been applying pressure to the wound. And Booth had bled quite heavily. Naturally she would have gotten blood on her shirt.

The queasiness is back.

"Yes. I would like that. Thank you."

[argyle_princess]

"You're welcome.

"Did you want to take a shower or just . . .?

"I can get whatever, um, either way."

[dr_temperance]

"Let me just wash my hands."

Brennan's not sure she has the energy for a shower right now.

"Thank you, Hannah."

Later she may very well feel guilty for putting this kind of burden on Hannah. For now--in the part of her mind that's still capable of processing emotion--she's just grateful for her help.

[argyle_princess]

"Okay."

Hannah nods and stands, pointing to a door just visible across the hall from the commonroom.

"The bathroom is over there -- anything in the green shower bucket thing is mine, help yourself, and I'll get you a sweatshirt or something."

[dr_temperance]

She had washed her hands at the hospital, of course. But she doesn't seem to have done a very good job, now that she's taking a moment to look at them.

"Thank you."

Brennan pushes herself to her feet. It takes more effort than it seems like it should.

Unbidden, as it always does, and as it has for over two years now, Booth's voice speaks up in the back of her head.

Geez, Bones. Comfort the kid for crying out loud. This is a shock for her too. You don't just lay that on someone and not offer a shoulder. Come on.

Brennan straightens up. And there's a little more life in her eyes when she looks at Hannah this time.

"It's going to be all right, Hannah. It is. We'll get through this."

They will. Because maybe if that part of Booth is still there, everything will be okay after a while.

[argyle_princess]

Hannah nods, once, shortly.

"Yeah," she says.

At least she doesn't have to worry about Agent Booth being in Hell. Because there's no chance of that, not that Hannah can see.

"I'll be right back."

[dr_temperance]

Brennan nods back.

"Okay."

She follows Hannah's direction to the bathroom where she uses what it probably an excessive amount of soap, and stands holding her wrists under a cold running tap for a minute or two.

Physically, she's feeling better when she returns to the common room. Though with the nausea at bay, exhaustion is beginning to come to the forefront.

[argyle_princess]

"Here," says Hannah, holding out a sweatshirt and a plastic bag from the bookstore.

"I thought you'd want something to put your . . . laundry in."

The shirt's probably a total loss, and even if it can be cleaned, how would you ever wear it again?

[dr_temperance]

"I appreciate that."

The shirt will go straight into the trash once she's home, but it has to be contained somehow in the meantime.

Brennan disappears briefly back into the bathroom, but it takes only a minute to change.

"I can rest on the sofa," she offers. "I know you don't have a lot of space in your room."

She knows. She had helped with the unpacking and setting up.

[argyle_princess]

Hannah shakes her head.

"It's probably not a good time to be in the common room, you know?"

Brennan can have her bed.

It's not like Hannah's going to be getting back to sleep.

And if it wakes Hilary up, well, it wakes Hilary up.

[dr_temperance]

"It's not?"

It seems deserted at the moment, but she's willing to take Hannah's word for it.

[argyle_princess]

"People are gonna start waking up and all."

And there's something to be said for privacy and some control of access.

[dr_temperance]

Brennan nods.

"Yes. Yes, of course."

"It must be nearly morning."

[argyle_princess]

"I think it is morning, technically.

"You should sleep.

"Come on."

[dr_temperance]

"I think you are correct. On both counts."

Brennan follows Hannah.

She is under no illusion that things will be better after she wakes up. If anything, they are likely to be worse for the lack of numbness brought on by exhaustion.

But physically she'll suffer more for not sleeping. And she'll need whatever fortitude she can muster for the coming days.

[argyle_princess]

Hannah sort of doubts she could sleep right now if you drugged her.

But she gets Brennan settled, waits until she's asleep, leaves water and aspirin and apple juice on the table beside the bed, calls Angela's cell phone and Dr. Sayoran's office the Jeffersonian and leaves messages so people will know where Brennan is and that she's all right, for a given definition of all right.

And then she goes back to the common room, and sits down in the floor with her back against the wall over in the corner where she can't be seen from the door, with her arms wrapped around her knees.

And that's where she is when Hilary finds her, an hour and a half later. And Hilary just manages to get the very sparest of details out of her roommate before Hannah finally, and utterly, breaks down.